Adulting with Autism: Could I Have Undiagnosed ASD?
We are living in a revolutionary time for mental and neurological health. Not only has society made tremendous headway in breaking down stigmas over the past decade, but we also have more access to information than any previous generation. These societal shifts have spurred many adults to wonder whether they have a diagnosis. Adults who’ve often struggled socially and developmentally may wonder whether they’ve gone their entire lives with undiagnosed Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).
While autism presents differently in each individual, adults with ASD commonly experience challenges in one or more of the following areas. Do any of these descriptions feel relatable to you?:
Romance & Relationships
All relationships can get complicated, but adults with autism tend to have an especially difficult time maintaining friendships and romantic connections. Symptoms that impact relationship-building can include:
Trouble with reading social cues, such as nuances in body language, facial expressions, and tone
Difficulty understanding and communicating emotions
Having narrow interests, making it difficult to connect to friends & partners over varying topics
Difficulty making conversation and/or maintaining eye contact
The need for rigid routines and rituals which can be distracting or confusing to others
Anxiety from feeling uneasy in social settings, or feeling pressured to “mask” their true selves around others
Sensory sensitivities that can make intimacy and physical touch uncomfortable; sensory issues can also make cohabitation challenging, as it can be hard to select meals, clothing, bedding, and furnishings that are comfortable for both people
It’s common for adults with autism to connect more easily with kids or older adults, as these age groups tend to exert less social pressure than their same-aged peers. It is also common for persons with autism to develop deep connections with animals and prefer the company of pets over people.
2. Everyday Tasks
Autism can impact a person’s motor skills, adaptive functioning skills, and executive functioning skills to various degrees. These impairments can make it difficult to complete daily obligations, such as brushing teeth, preparing meals, maintaining a clean home, using tools around the house, driving, making appointments, using public transportation, or shopping, just to name a few. Individuals with autism are often more successful in learning these skills if they are taught in ways that work with their neurology; since they tend to be highly detail-focused thinkers, they learn more effectively when tasks are broken down into explicit, sequential steps.
3. Strengths & Talents
The further we progress into adulthood, the more we tend to learn about our own unique gifts. While every person with autism is different, most tend to have outstanding talents that are strengthened by their unique neurology. The talents of adults with autism are vastly diverse, but are often related to extraordinary memory recall, subject matter expertise, sensory discrimination, or artistic or musical talent unachievable by their neurotypical peers. If you have ASD, you may wonder why the things you find so easy seem so much harder for others, while conversely contemplating why things that are easy for others may feel difficult to you.
4. The Workplace
From Sir Isaac Newton to Emily Dickinson and Bobby Fisher to Bill Gates, there are countless examples throughout history of adults with successful careers who are suspected or known to have autism. With their unique talents, adults with autism can become invaluable professionals. However, ASD can also exacerbate challenges of a workplace environment, including:
Struggles with adapting to unexpected situations
Frustration and anxiety about new processes
Difficulty socially interacting with colleagues
Managing energy and sensory tolerance throughout the day, especially in environments with harsh lighting or loud noise, such as restaurants or warehouses
Trouble understanding the “unwritten rules” of office dynamics & etiquette
Challenges with working in teams or groups despite thriving with solo projects
Additionally, if a person with autism is placed in a role that is misaligned with their gifts, it can be incredibly difficult for them to train, learn, and thrive at their responsibilities. An autism diagnosis can pave the way for adults to understand their differences and work in ways that maximize their talents.
5. Parenting younger kids
As with other relationships, the parent-child relationship can look different for adults with autism. On the one hand, many adults with autism have a natural ability to connect with young kids and can easily become one of their child’s best play pals. Parents with ASD can also be excellent role models regarding structure, routines, and adherence to rules.
On the other hand, some of the unpleasant sensory aspects of parenting, such as sticky hands, stinky diapers, or loud screams, may be especially difficult for a parent with ASD to tolerate. They may need more breaks away from the kids, or need to participate in fewer extracurricular activities. This can lead to feelings of guilt and inadequacy if they believe they aren’t living up to society’s expectations of a “good” parent. Their differences from other parents can lead to isolation, limiting their peer support network.
6. Parenting older kids
It’s common for adults with autism to be less attuned to the “generational boundary” between kids and adults. This can make it challenging for the parent to enforce effective discipline or maintain the role of an authority figure as their children age. Some parents have expressed how difficult it is to keep up with their kid’s changing interests and personalities as they age, as persons with autism tend to keep rigid traits over time. This can be frustrating to the child, who may resent their parent for treating them like a much younger version of themselves.
Because autism can make emotional expression difficult, parents with autism often struggle with knowing how to help their kids navigate difficult feelings and situations. Child advocacy, such as questioning a school’s IEP eligibility determination can also be especially difficult for adults with ASD.
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7. Feelings about Outside Support
Many adults feel hesitant about seeking a diagnosis. If you were often misunderstood or dismissed by authority figures as a child, it’s understandable that you might hold feelings of distrust toward doctors. Depending on when and where you grew up, you may have been immersed in negative attitudes about therapy or psychologists, further dissuading you from seeking outside support. And while there is more acceptance around autism now than at any point in history, the world still has a lot to learn.
A self-administered test like the Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ) can be a helpful starting point that doesn’t require any appointments or outside input. However, the most reliable way to confirm a diagnosis is to work with a qualified diagnostician who understands the varied and complex ways that autism can present across age groups, genders, and co-occurring diagnoses.
After a lifetime, is it time to have your questions answered?
If you suspect that you may have ASD, a diagnosis can greatly enhance your quality of life; it can provide answers to lifelong questions, pave the way for improved relationships, and build a greater understanding of your neurology so you can work with your strengths rather than against them.
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Shinn. M.M. (2020). My Kid Has OCD – How Will This Impact Their Education?Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/test-blog/my-kid-has-ocd-how-will-this-impact-their-education
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How to Cite This Blog Article:
Shinn. M.M. (2024). TITLE. Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from: https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/adulting-with-autism-could-i-have-undiagnosed-asd