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How to Care for Aging Parents while Raising a Family: 8 Tips for the Sandwich Generation

Modern medicine has meant that many adults are living longer – a fact that brings comfort to all of us. However, this increased life expectancy has also created another phenomenon called, “The Sandwich Generation,” – a group of adults responsible for the caregiving demands of both their children and aging parents. Becoming a “sandwiched” caregiver can feel intimidating as the physical, emotional and sometimes, financial demands are overwhelming. After spending your childhood under your parents’ care, this role reversal can feel painful and confusing for both of you.  

So what can the “Sandwich Generation” do to provide the best care for their loved ones while maintaining their own well-being?

If you are a caregiver for multiple generations including young children, adult children, or aging parents, here are some tips that can help:

1. Communicate Regularly

When a parent’s health begins to decline, their care often falls into the hands of one of their children, usually, their oldest child or the one who lives closest. If that person is you, you’ll definitely feel the immense burden of having this role placed on your shoulders. To prevent all of the work from falling on you, set a regular time to communicate with other siblings, family members, or friends that can help with your parent’s care. This can keep everyone involved while holding them accountable.

2. Set your boundaries

You can’t give your family your best when you’re feeling burnt out. It’s important to set boundaries so that you only take on tasks that won’t compromise your ability to care for your kids, adult children, or yourself. Start by writing down every task you can think of related to work obligations and caring for your children and parents. Go over your list with family members to show them how much is on your plate and what you can or can’t take on. Set clear boundaries and stick to them.  

3. Break down roles

Discuss who would be the best fit for each task related to your parent’s care. Does your cousin with a law degree have time to go over hospital paperwork? Is your brother’s daily route near the pharmacy to pick up medication? Can multiple family members share the responsibility of giving your parent rides throughout the week? And what about your sister who lives 800 miles away? Online banking means finances can be monitored from anywhere, so that might be a good fit for her. You may also consider having everyone pitch in to hire outside help for tasks such as housecleaning or grocery delivery.

4. Find support programs

There are many community centers, hospitals, and places of worship that provide support groups for caregivers to connect and share their experiences. You may be thinking, “I’m stretched beyond my max – I barely have time to read this blog, much less to attend support groups!” Remember, supporting your emotional health will reduce stress and improve your family relationships. In addition, many support groups have an adult care component, giving both you and your parent a break as you focus on self-care.

5. Schedule friend-dates

To avoid burnout, it’s important to regularly unwind, socialize, and spend time focused on your own identity away from your role as caregiver. Make sure that when you set your boundaries, you schedule specific “black-out dates” where other siblings or loved ones will need to tend to the needs of your parent. If your children are young, schedule babysitting trade-offs with other parents to enjoy some care-free fun with your friends or significant other.

6. Make your health a priority

Caregivers will take aging parents to every medical specialist under the sun but often fail to address their own health needs. Make it a point to do everything for yourself that you would do for your parent: get regular checks ups, annual physicals, lab work, dental  exams, and fill your own prescriptions. Prioritize exercise, whether it be a casual walk or an intense work-out. Try to sleep at least 8 hours a night and eat a well-balanced diet high in protein and vegetables to boost your mood and energy.

7. Recognize your parent's perspective

A common issue that caregivers experience is bumping heads with their parents. Remember that they are also experiencing stress, as it is difficult to hand off responsibility for their personal health and finances to others. Talk to them openly about their wishes and concerns and let them know that you want to help them from a place of mutual respect. Whenever possible, get them involved in problem solving or offer them options to show that you value their sense of independence.

Examples:

“Dad, what do you think would help you remember to take your medication?”

“Mom, what can we do to make errands a little more manageable? Would you be open to having your groceries delivered or your prescriptions automated?”

“Mom and dad, who would you like to help oversee your finances? Is there a family member you would trust or would you like me to look into a professional service?”

8. See a specialist

Whether you are caring for your children, your parents, or both, taking on new caregiving responsibilities is a challenging adjustment. A specialist can support you through these transitions and help you set boundaries, find additional resources, and maintain a close bond with each of your family members.

*Please note: since the publishing of this blog, Variations Psychology has narrowed its focus to diagnostic testing and psychological evaluations. Our Doctors can evaluate whether you or your loved one have a diagnosis and guide you through the next steps in achieving your mental health or academic goals. While Variations does not offer counseling, our diagnostic evaluations allow us to refer patients to specialists who are best equipped to meet their needs. In addition, this link can guide you through a directory of therapists, psychiatrists, treatment centers, and support groups in your area.

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More about Variations Psychology

Variations Psychology is a group practice specializing in diagnostic testing to identify psychological conditions. Our primary focus is Educational Psychology, guiding families on beneficial pathways toward student success and training educators in effective strategies to maximize student potential. 

Our comprehensive evaluations test for conditions that impact mental health and development such as ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, depression, anxiety, learning disorders, and developmental delays. 

In addition to diagnostic services, we offer Independent Educational Evaluations (IEEs) of K-12 students to assess needs for accommodations in school and determine their appropriate placements. IEEs provide an objective second opinion on existing IEP and 504 Plans.

For K-12 and post-secondary students, we offer evaluations to assess needs for accommodations on standardized tests, college entrance exams (e.g. - SAT, ACT, AP Exams), and graduate and professional licensing exams (e.g. - MCAT, LSAT, GRE, CBEST, NCLEX, GMAT, CA Cosmetology Exam, CA Contractors State Licensing Exam, CA Bar Exam). Schedule your consultation to learn how our diagnostic services can support you and your family. 

Variations Psychology is located in Newport Beach, CA and provides psychological testing to residents throughout Orange County and its surrounding areas including Newport Beach, Newport Coast, Irvine, Shady Canyon, Laguna Beach, Laguna Hills, Coto de Caza, Corona del Mar, Costa Mesa, Yorba Linda, Dana Point, Laguna Niguel, Aliso Viejo, Mission Viejo, Pelican Hill, Crystal Cove, Rancho Santa Margarita, San Clemente, Lake Forest, Huntington Beach, Sunset Beach, Seal Beach, and more.

References:

Barron, B. 9 Tips for Managing Sandwich Generation Stress. Care.com https://www.care.com/c/stories/5326/tips-for-managing-sandwich-generation-stress/

Goyer, A. Five Tips for Sanwiched Caregivers. AARP. https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/life-balance/info-2017/sandwich-generation-tips-ag.html

Passy, C. (2015). 6 Lessons for the Sandwich Generation. https://www.marketwatch.com/story/6-lessons-for-the-sandwich-generation-2015-09-10

Parker, K., Patton, E. (2013). The Sandwich Generation Rising Financial Burdens for Middle Aged Americans. PEW Research Center. Retrieved online: http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2013/01/30/the-sandwich-generation/

How to Cite This Blog Article:

Shinn, M.M. (2018). How to Care for Aging Parents while Raising a Family: 8 Tips for the Sandwich

Generation.  Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post].  Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/how-to-care-for-aging-parents-while-raising-a-family-8-tips-for-the-sandwich-generation