“My Kid Won’t Do Their Homework – What Do I Do?”
If your kid avoids homework like the plague, you’re not alone. After long days at work and school, the tension around homework can make both parents and kids want to ditch the drama and head straight to bed.
But does getting your kid to do their homework have to be a daily dread? If you’re sick of the homework battle, give these tips a try:
1. Allow for brain-breaks
Sometimes the sheer amount of homework can make a kid feel overwhelmed, especially after 6+ hours in class. It’s beneficial to let your kid have an hour or so to unwind after school before diving back into academic overload. Another strategy is to allow them to complete half of their work before dinner and half after. Breaking it up into segments will reduce their anxiety and enhance time management skills.
2. Stick with structure
Make “homework hour” a consistent part of your routine at the same time each evening. Display your daily schedule in a prominent area of the house and stick to it as closely as possible. Over time, your kid will adapt to homework being a routine task just like showering or brushing their teeth (ok, they may need to be reminded to do those things too – but you get the idea!)
3. Don’t engage in the fight
“Why should I have to do stupid homework?!” “BECAUSE I SAID SO!”
Yelling or criticizing will only fuel your kid’s negative feelings about homework. In addition, your anger gives them ammo to manipulate you – if they know your fuse is short, they’ll fight even harder to make you throw in the towel and give up on your expectations. If you’re feeling your blood start to boil, step away to breathe and come back when you can enforce your rules in a calm, neutral tone.
4. Reinforce wisely
It can be effective to withhold privileges such as screen time until after homework is done. However, too much emphasis on threats or punishments can cause kids to rush and do the bare minimum. Avoid this by focusing more attention on good behaviors than bad ones.
Examples:
Instead of “Don’t even think of leaving that seat until your worksheet is done!” try, “I’m proud of you for staying in your seat and focusing on your worksheet.”
Instead of, “If you rush though your math homework I won’t let you go out tomorrow night!” try, “I love when I see you taking the time to check your work.”
5. Don’t dangle too many carrots
Rewards can be useful in getting your kid to finish their work, but they can also be harmful. Research shows that rewards are appropriate when your kid’s work is something repetitive and concrete, like writing vocabulary words 25 times. Avoid bribes for assignments that require creativity or critical thinking, as rewards can diminish motivation to give their all.
6. Connect to their passions
Sure, homework can be boring. If your kid is set on becoming a fireman, it may be hard for him to see why he needs to analyze the undertones of Shakespearean literature. Help your kid understand the less-obvious benefits of homework, such as developing skills that connect to their goals.
Examples:
“I get that you don’t think math is important since you want to be a publicist, but you’ll need math skills to understand deals and contracts.”
“I know you thought Animal Farm was a snooze-fest, but even dream jobs have their boring sides. Completing your report shows that you can get the job done. That’s something employers look for.”
Struggling to keep your kid motivated? Click here for more tips on fostering passion and persistence
7. Consider learning differences
Learning differences, such as dyscalculia, dysgraphia, dyslexia, ADHD, or autism can make homework especially challenging. The good news is, once a child receives a diagnosis, there are many ways for parents and teachers to change their approach and make homework more accommodating.
Concerned your child may have a learning difference? Click below to schedule a consultation to learn how our diagnostic testing services can help
8. Avoid “snowplowing”
At times you may feel tempted to just finish their essay or piece together their half-built solar system. It’s hard to watch your kid stumble, but know that doing their work for them has far worse consequences. “Snowplow parenting,” or constantly guarding your kid from failure, sends the message that they’re incapable of succeeding on their own. Show them how to use planners and calendars, but don’t intervene if they miss a deadline or turn in substandard work. They need to feel the consequences of their actions to be able to improve their work ethic and time management skills.
Think you might have some snowplowing tendencies? Click here for our tips to avoid snowplow parenting
9. Prevent perfectionism
If your kid is a perfectionist, they may be avoiding homework because they’re afraid of showing that they don’t know the material. Kids who are identified as gifted can be especially prone to this fear. Help your kid overcome perfectionism by praising efforts more than results. Instead of asking, “Did you get an A?,” ask, “Did you try your best?”
Click here for more tips on instilling a growth mindset in your child
10. Seek support
“Homework wars” can be frustrating for both parents and kids. Sometimes the best option is to seek help from a third party. Our Diagnosticians can provide psychological testing to determine if your child has a diagnosis that is impacting their academic performance.
So you know you need help, but aren’t sure how to find the right help?
Picking a therapist or type of therapy can be confusing, and “trial and error” with the wrong therapist can cause many families to feel overwhelmed and give up on seeking help.
Our Diagnosticians can provide psychological testing to remove the guess-work and guide you on your best path toward mental wellness.
Click below to schedule your consultation
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Our comprehensive evaluations test for conditions that impact mental health and development such as ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, depression, anxiety, learning disorders, and developmental delays.
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References:
Dawson, P. (n.d.) Homework: A Guide for Parents. National Association of School Psychologists. Retrieved from http://www.naspcenter.org/home_school/homework.html
Masemann, A. (2018). 5 Ways to End the Homework Battle for Good. Today’s Parent. Retrieved from https://www.todaysparent.com/kids/4-ways-to-end-the-homework-battle-for-good/
Pincus, D. (2019). The Homework Battle: How to Get Children to Do Their Homework. Empowering Parents. Retrieved from https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-homework-battle-how-to-get-children-to-do-homework/
Shinn. M.M. (2018). 7 Strategies for Fostering a Growth Mindset in Your Child. Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/7-strategies-for-fostering-a-growth-mindset-in-your-child
Shinn. M.M. (2019). 8 Things to Stop Doing for Your Kids Before They Turn 18. Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/8-things-to-stop-doing-for-your-kids-before-they-turn-18
Shinn. M.M. (2019). 8 Tips to Calm Your Kid While Keeping Your Cool. Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/8-tips-to-calm-your-kid-while-keeping-your-cool
Shinn. M.M. (2018). ADHD or Just Kids Being Kids? Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/adhd-or-just-kids-being-kids
Shinn. M.M. (2019). Could My Teen Have Autism? Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/could-my-teen-have-autism
Shinn. M.M. (2018). I Can’t Spell Dyslexia – Do I Have It? Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/i-cant-spell-dyslexia-do-i-have-it
Shinn. M.M. (2018). Life Success – Is It About Persistence or Following Your Passion? Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/life-success-is-it-about-persistence-or-following-your-passion
Shinn. M.M. (2019). Why is My Kid Struggling So Much with Math? Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/my-kid-struggles-with-writing-how-can-i-help
How to Cite This Blog Article:
Shinn. M.M. (2019). My Kid Won’t Do Their Homework – What Do I Do? Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/my-kid-wont-do-their-homework-what-do-i-do