Why isn’t my kid making any friends?
Every parent wants their kid to enjoy adventures with friends – friends are the ones we dream with, play with, and even get into a bit of trouble with now and again. And when kids face their first teenage breakup, or need to decompress after a brutal math test, they need trusted companions they can turn to. Friendships are a critical part of development, but not every kid is a natural at connecting with peers. If you’ve noticed your kid struggling with friendships, uncovering the cause can lead to a healthier social life.
Does your kid have trouble making or keeping friends? Here are 8 possible causes:
1. Trouble “reading the room”
Humans express up to 93% of emotional meaning through tone, facial expressions, and gestures. Some kids have difficulty interpreting nonverbal cues, making it hard to know how to respond appropriately. For example, if they can’t recognize that their conversation topic is making their friend mad or bored, they won’t know it’s time to change the subject. While struggling to “read the room” can be a normal part of development, it is especially common in kids with autism, social pragmatic communication disorder, processing disorders, or other nonverbal communication deficits.
Think a disorder may be causing your kid’s social struggles? We can help. Schedule your consultation to learn about Diagnostic Testing.
2. Mental multi-tasking
While socializing feels like second nature to some, it’s actually a highly complex process that requires several areas of the brain to work together. It involves skills in listening and attention, interpreting tone, decoding body language, and keeping a conversation going. It also requires understanding the unwritten rules of communication, such as pausing to let the other person talk and respecting their personal space. Each of these skills engage different areas of the brain, and injuries or developmental delays can impact a child’s ability to mentally multi-task.
3. Anxious isolation
Anxiety can impact a kid’s social life in several ways. They may feel too nervous to talk to others, they might be afraid of peer judgement, or they may feel distressed in crowded social events like birthday parties or school dances. Anxiety disorders such as OCD can be all-consuming, preventing kids from enjoying time spent with friends. Anxiety from trauma can also impair social skills, as trauma impacts a child’s ability to trust and form bonds with others.
4. Attention & impulsivity issues
Friendships require the ability to cooperate and regulate one’s own emotions - skills that involve calculated thoughts and actions. Because kids with ADHD often act impulsively, they’re prone to unintentionally upsetting others. Trouble with listening, taking turns, or controlling outbursts can inadvertently push prospective friends away.
5. Temperament differences
Not every kid is a social butterfly, and that’s ok. Many introverted students prefer to have a few close friends, rather than campaigning for “Mr. Popular” in the yearbook. This can be hard to understand if you’re an extroverted parent whose youth was filled with lively parties and lengthy after-school phone calls. Kids have varying limits for social activity, and it’s ok if their threshold is more reserved. The main question is whether they are happy; if your kid is showing signs of depression, or if they desire more friends but struggle to make them, it may be time to seek help.
6. Rusty relationship skills
While the screentime takeover has been a hot topic for a while now, the past 2 years have been especially isolating due to COVID-19. Most kids had their social lives confined to electronic interaction for months at a time, making them a bit rusty in face-to-face friendship. A few years may not seem monumental to an adult, but that’s a large percentage of a kid’s life spent away from normal peer engagement. As the world continues to resume normal activities, it may take some time for kids to socially reacclimate.
7. Boundary blunders
Let’s face it, plenty of adults haven’t mastered the art of respecting boundaries, and boundaries can be especially hard for kids to wrap their minds around. Some kids have a hard time accepting that their best bud can have multiple friends, leading them to act clingy or possessive. Other kids roughhouse too aggressively or are overly sarcastic and hurt their friend’s feelings one too many times. Role playing and practicing different scenarios can help teach kids appropriate boundary awareness.
8. Learning disorders
Learning disorders are known for causing academic obstacles, but it’s less commonly known that they can also impair social skills. If a child has dyslexia or dysgraphia finding the right words to say or even just sending a text can be complex and frustrating. Learning disorders can also cause kids to miss social cues or misinterpret the other person’s meaning, leading to frequent misunderstandings.
Variations can Help
It’s painful to see your kid experience rejection or loneliness. If you suspect that your child or teen may have a diagnosis that impacts their social life, our doctors can provide diagnostic testing to pinpoint causes and recommend the next steps for helping your child socially thrive.
So you know you need help, but aren’t sure how to find the right help?
If a loved one has a learning difference or other condition that impacts their mental health and education, you may feel lost in determining the best ways to support them.
Our Diagnosticians can provide psychological testing to remove the guess-work and guide your family on the best path toward mental health, emotional wellness, and academic success.
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More about Variations Psychology
Variations Psychology is a group practice specializing in diagnostic testing to identify psychological conditions. Our primary focus is Educational Psychology, guiding families on beneficial pathways toward student success and training educators in effective strategies to maximize student potential.
Our comprehensive evaluations test for conditions that impact mental health and development such as ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, depression, anxiety, learning disorders, and developmental delays.
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How to Cite This Blog Article:
Shinn. M.M. (2022). Why Isn’t My Kid Making Any Friends? Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/why-isnt-my-kid-making-any-friends