Healing at Home: How Can I Help My Child Overcome Trauma?
Childhood trauma can be caused by any distressing circumstance such as sexual abuse, car accidents, racism or other forms of discrimination, or exposure to violence, mental illness, or substance abuse. Trauma makes the world feel threatening and unpredictable, which has a particularly severe effect on a child’s developing brain. Without therapy, Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) can have a lifelong impact, and at least 5 of the 10 leading causes of death are associated with ACEs. Fortunately, children can successfully move past trauma with the right support. Just as trauma wires a child’s brain to be locked in fight-or-flight mode, the following strategies can help “rewire” their brains back to a calm, secure state.
How can you help your child overcome trauma? Try these tips to support their recovery:
1. Acknowledge the impact
An event that traumatizes a child may not always seem as distressing to an adult, such as a minor medical procedure, feeling a small earthquake, or hearing classmates share Covid19 horror stories. It’s important to recognize that the level of trauma experienced depends on your child’s age, sensitivity, coping skills, and perceived fear. This means that their trauma can be severe, even if the actual threat is minor. Parents can support kids by acknowledging their feelings without being dismissive or critical. Replace phrases like, “at least you survived,” or “it could have been worse,” with, “it’s ok to feel upset,” “I will do my best to support you,” and, “I understand that you feel worried.”
2. Regulate routines
When a child has experienced trauma, a parent’s instinct is often to shield them from the pressures of daily obligations such as attending school, completing chores, or getting to bed on time. However, resuming your child’s normal routine is one of the best ways to show them that the chaos is behind them and that life will be ok again.
3. Give (realistic) reassurance
Frequently reassure your child that they are safe and inform them of the measures you have in place to keep them protected. However, avoid false promises, such as telling them that their deceased family member may be coming back, or that they’ll never have to face another bully. Age-appropriate honesty shows a child that they can trust you after trauma puts their world into question.
4. Make family-time frequent
Children can be increasingly clingy after trauma; this is normal, and you won’t coddle them by fulfilling their heightened need for affection. Increase family time when possible and avoid unnecessary separations immediately following a traumatic event. Give your child extra snuggles and pats on the back, knowing your affection is rebuilding their sense of security.
5. Keep your cool
Anger is a common response to childhood trauma, as it provides increased energy to focus on survival. However, this natural response can strain relationships as your child expresses rage, distrust, and defiance. During these disruptive times, they are desperately seeking a positive adult connection and need you to provide a calm, stable example.
Over time, your calm demeanor will convince their brain to relax and safely let its guard down. Stick to your family rules, but enforce them with a neutral tone. Encourage your child to work through anger with breathing exercises, positive affirmations, and mindfulness exercises.
Click here for our strategies on keeping your cool as a family
6. Encourage expression
It’s hard for parents to see their children sad, but it’s important to allow kids to cry and openly express both positive and negative emotions. Encourage your child to draw and write about their feelings. Avoid pressuring them to talk about their trauma, but be open to listening when they do initiate conversation. Take care of your own emotional health by venting to supportive friends, but limit expressing negative feelings around your child. Instead, share healthy ways that you manage anxiety, stress, and anger. This shows them that no feeling is too scary or horrible to face.
Click here for tips on being an emotionally intelligent parent
7. Learn the academic impact
Our survival instincts are helpful in dangerous situations, but when a traumatized child is stuck in fight-or-flight-mode, it can impair critical thinking, diminish focus, provoke mood swings, and block new information from entering their long-term memory. As a result, typical classroom structure doesn’t work for kids processing trauma, especially those with learning disorders. Working with educators to create an appropriate 504 plan or IEP can ensure that your child’s needs will be met.
Teachers – Click here for our free form on strategies to support student emotional health
8. Take care of yourself
Helping your child process trauma can feel overwhelming, and it’s common for parents to get so wrapped up in their child’s well-being that they neglect their own mental health. The problem with neglecting self-care, is that you can’t effectively help your child if you are emotionally depleted. Get adequate rest, eat healthy, exercise, and make time for activities you enjoy. Lean on your support system of friends, family, and community resources to take some of the pressure off. This will model resiliency and strength to your child.
If your child has experienced trauma, you have enough on your plate. Let us help with your child’s 504 plan/IEP to support their academic potential.
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9. Keep an eye out for other disorders
Childhood trauma can lead to obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), eating and body image disorders, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Trauma also increases a child’s lifelong risks for cancer, diabetes, hypertension, liver disease, coronary heart disease, lupus, asthma, and many other chronic illnesses. These risks can be lowered with interventions that help children successfully recover from trauma. An accurate diagnosis is the first step in understanding a child’s path to healing.
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10. Seek professional support
Many children survive trauma, but it’s hard for them to thrive without a strong support system and therapeutic care. Fortunately, kids are resilient and most are capable of recovering. Our Doctors can evaluate your child’s needs and refer you to a therapist who can help.
So you know you need help, but aren’t sure how to find the right help?
If a loved one has a learning difference or other condition that impacts their mental health and education, you may feel lost in determining the best ways to support them.
Our Diagnosticians can provide psychological testing to remove the guess-work and guide your family on the best path toward mental health, emotional wellness, and academic success.
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How to Cite This Blog Article:
Shinn. M.M. (2021). Healing at Home – How Can I Help My Child Overcome Trauma?Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from www.variationspsychology.com/test-blog/how-can-i-help-my-child-overcome-trauma