“My Kid Refuses to Go to School – What Could be the Cause?”

Whether they feel like sleeping in or just want to escape meatloaf Monday, most kids try to get out of school from time to time. Sometimes, however, a child’s resistance to attend school can be caused by underlying anxiety. If left untreated, school anxiety can escalate to an intense fear of anything school related, causing students to ditch their friends, drop out of activities, skip classes, or simply refuse to attend school at all. While school refusal is not a recognized disorder, it can be a symptom of a variety of other conditions. With an accurate diagnosis and treatment, kids with school anxiety can overcome their fears and enjoy a positive academic experience. 

So which underlying causes are common culprits behind school anxiety?

1. Separation anxiety

It’s common for young children to experience anxiety when being separated from their caregivers, but most kids outgrow separation anxiety by age 3 and adjust to school drop-offs within a few weeks. If they are experiencing extreme reluctance beyond these timeframes, they may be showing signs of separation anxiety disorder, which can persist throughout elementary and teen years if left untreated.

2. Social struggles

Students face intense social pressures at school, which is especially distressing for kids who are highly self-conscious, have trouble making friends, or who are being bullied. Students who feel disconnected from peers may try to avoid social settings such as the cafeteria or gym glass. Social struggles have become increasingly prominent with kids’ heightened use of electronics, making it harder for them to maintain healthy social connections.

TV, gaming, & social media: How much is too much for kids?
Click here for the screen time scoop.

3. Generalized anxiety

Kids with generalized anxiety disorder worry excessively over various aspects of life, such as the future, health, safety, deadlines, and academic performance. They tend to fixate on worst case scenarios, causing even mundane tasks to become sources of extreme stress. The constant fear of “what if” makes it difficult to tolerate, much less enjoy, the enriching opportunities that school offers.

4. Painful perfectionism

Some students develop unrealistic expectations of themselves and are so afraid of making mistakes that they end up avoiding school altogether. These students may avoid turning in assignments, not because the work is incomplete, but because they’re afraid it isn’t perfect. Anxiety over perfectionism can also manifest as obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), characterized by persistent intrusive thoughts and compulsive rituals. These all-encompassing worries make it difficult for a student to feel comfortable and engaged in class. 

Click here to learn more about how OCD impacts a child’s education

5. Phobias and trauma disorders

Sometimes a child’s reluctance to attend school is due to a specific phobia, such as fears of a tornado striking the school or catching a deadly disease from common areas and shared supplies. If the student has survived trauma, they may also be experiencing post traumatic stress disorder which can make school feel threatening and unsafe.  

How can I help my kid overcome trauma?

6. Learning differences

Today’s schools provide a variety of accommodations and services to create an inclusive environment for kids with learning differences (LDs). However, many students with LDs remain undiagnosed and often feel marginalized or inadequate. This can spur avoidant behaviors such as keeping their head down, doodling instead of taking notes, or even trying to get kicked out of class to avoid tests. Unfortunately, these behaviors can lead teachers to mistakenly assume the student is defiant, lazy, or unmotivated. 

Common LDs or disorders that can contribute to school anxiety include:

Think your child or teen may have an undiagnosed learning disorder? Schedule your consultation to learn about our diagnostic testing services

7. Tricky transitions

School refusal tends to be most prevalent after students have had time off and are struggling to transition from relaxation to responsibility mode. And let’s face it, even adults have trouble going back to work after a 3-day-weekend! Transitions in a student’s personal life can also heighten anxiety; a death in the family, divorce, move, or other family stressors can cause a kid to want to avoid the demands of daily schooling. 

Even positive transitions can induce school anxiety, as 63% of college students report having overwhelming anxiety. The initial transition into college life is both exciting and intimidating as coeds leave their safety net and take on an overflowing plate of adult responsibilities – often on a low-sleep, caffeine, and ramen diet! 

Check out these tips for managing college with ADHD

8. Health complaints

Ferris Bueller may have topped the box office in the 80’s, but faking sick is still an ever-popular tactic to get out of school. When a kid is a regular in the nurses’ office, it can be difficult for their parents to know if their child is genuinely ill or trying to escape uncomfortable situations. A telltale clue is if symptoms disappear once the child is no longer on campus, but reappear the next day when they have to return to school. It’s important to recognize that anxiety can lead to symptoms of physical illness such as headaches, nausea, diarrhea, and sleep disturbances. Parents should have physical ailments assessed by a doctor to evaluate for any medical issues. 

Check out our tips for students to manage chronic illnesses at school

9. COVID concerns

As if fears of catching COVID-19 weren’t enough to deter some kids from school, the pandemic has caused a number of other worries to “go viral” among students: concerns over vaccinations, breathing and sensory issues from prolonged mask-wearing, financial strains at home, fears of falling behind or being held back a grade, and the social and emotional challenges we are all working to recover from as a society. Each of these stressors may contribute to a growing number of students resisting or refusing school attendance this fall. 

No matter the cause, we can help

If your kid is anxious or reluctant about attending school, it’s important to pinpoint the reason(s) so they can receive appropriate treatment. With the right support, it is possible to overcome school anxiety and establish a positive academic outlook. Our Educational Psychologists can help uncover the underlying cause behind your student’s school anxiety so they can receive effective support.

So you know you need help, but aren’t sure how to find the right help?

If a loved one has a learning difference or other condition that impacts their mental health and education, you may feel lost in determining the best ways to support them. 

Our Diagnosticians can provide psychological testing to remove the guess-work and guide your family on the best path toward mental health, emotional wellness, and academic success.

Click below to schedule your consultation

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More about Variations Psychology

Variations Psychology is a group practice specializing in diagnostic testing to identify psychological conditions.

Our comprehensive evaluations test for conditions that impact mental health and development such as ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, depression, anxiety, learning disorders, and developmental delays. 

In addition to diagnostic services, we offer Independent Educational Evaluations (IEEs) of K-12 students to assess needs for accommodations in school and determine their appropriate placements. IEEs provide an objective second opinion on existing IEP and 504 Plans.

For K-12 and post-secondary students, we offer evaluations to assess needs for accommodations on standardized tests, college entrance exams (e.g. - SAT, ACT, AP Exams), and graduate and professional licensing exams (e.g. - MCAT, LSAT, GRE, CBEST, NCLEX, GMAT, CA Cosmetology Exam, CA Contractors State Licensing Exam, CA Bar Exam).

Schedule your consultation below to learn how our diagnostic services can support you and your family. 

Variations Psychology is located in Newport Beach, CA and provides psychological testing to residents throughout Orange County and its surrounding areas including Newport Beach, Newport Coast, Irvine, Shady Canyon, Laguna Beach, Laguna Hills, Coto de Caza, Corona del Mar, Costa Mesa, Yorba Linda, Dana Point, Laguna Niguel, Aliso Viejo, Mission Viejo, Pelican Hill, Crystal Cove, Rancho Santa Margarita, San Clemente, Lake Forest, Huntington Beach, Sunset Beach, Seal Beach, and more.

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Shinn. M.M. (2021). Healing at Home – How Can I Help My Child Overcome Trauma?Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from www.variationspsychology.com/test-blog/how-can-i-help-my-child-overcome-trauma

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Shinn. M.M. (2019). Is Screen Time Really That Bad for My Kid? Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/is-screen-time-really-that-bad-for-my-kid

Shinn. M.M. (2021). My Kid Has ADHD – How Do I Prepare Them for College? Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/adhd-and-college-life-how-do-i-prepare-my-teen

Shinn. M.M. (2020). My Kid Has OCD – How Will This Impact Their Education?Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/test-blog/my-kid-has-ocd-how-will-this-impact-their-education

Shinn. M.M. (2019). My Kid Might be Held Back a Grade – What Do I Do?! Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from: https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/my-kid-might-be-held-back-a-grade-what-do-i-do

Shinn. M.M. (2019). My Kid Won’t Do Their Homework – What Do I Do? Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/my-kid-wont-do-their-homework-what-do-i-do

Shinn. M.M. (2021). Why is Math So Hard for My Kid? Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/why-is-math-so-hard-for-my-kid

Shinn, M.M. (2018). Take the Stress Out of Tests! 11 Ways to Manage Test Anxiety. Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post].  Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/take-the-stress-out-of-tests-11-ways-to-manage-test-anxiety

Shinn. M.M. (2019). Taking Chronic Illness to School: 9 Tips to Stay Safe & Healthy. Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/my-kid-has-a-chronic-illness-how-do-i-prepare-them-for-school

Shinn. M.M. (2020). Understanding Education Plans: A Parent’s Guide to 504s and IEPs. Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/understanding-education-plans-a-parents-guide-to-504s-and-ieps

Shinn. M.M. (2019). Why is My Kid Struggling So Hard with Math? Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/why-is-my-kid-struggling-so-much-with-math

Top 10 Signs of Student Anxiety In The Classroom. IBCCES. (2020, April 17). https://ibcces.org/blog/2019/05/08/signs-student-anxiety-classroom/.

How to Cite This Blog Article:

Shinn. M.M. (2021). My Kid Refuses to Go to School – What Could be the Cause? Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/my-kid-refuses-to-go-to-school-what-could-be-the-cause

Dr. Shinn