Seeing 2020: How to Let Go of Unhealthy Thinking in The New Year
Ever notice how 2 people can experience the same event, but react completely differently? One person might lose their home in a fire but rejoice with gratitude for being alive, while a spilled latté can destroy someone else’s day. Our perceptions shape our attitudes, and unhealthy thinking can lead to anxiety, depression, and negativity. These thoughts can affect a person’s ability to make logical decisions and have rational reactions. Distorted thinking often becomes an ingrained habit and unfortunately, most unhealthy thinkers don’t realize they’re doing it!
Do any of the following “thinking styles” sound like you? If so, make it your resolution to quit these unhealthy patterns as you enter the new year:
1. The All-or-Nothing Thinker
Do you tend to see things in black and white? All-or-nothing thinkers tend to view things as completely good or completely bad with no gray area. Now, let’s be realistic. Life happens, and healthy thinking doesn’t mean that you have to lie to yourself about bad situations being peachy. Your goal should be to look at the world in a balanced way by acknowledging the good, the bad, and the in-between.
Unhealthy thought:
“I didn’t get the promotion - I’m a failure!”
Replacement thought:
“I’m disappointed I didn’t get the promotion, but there will be other opportunities. The silver lining is I won’t have to work as many late shifts and miss family dinners.”
2. The “Shoulda-Woulda” Thinker
There’s a saying that “an expectation is a premeditated resentment.” When you decide what others should do, think, or feel, you’ll often set yourself up for anger and frustration. Catch yourself and question your logic when the word “should” pops into your thoughts.
Unhealthy thought:
“My niece should have sent a thank-you card for the wedding gift we sent! That’s the last time I do anything nice for her!”
Replacement thoughts:
“Maybe she’s really busy with work and the move.” “I didn’t send the gift to get a card in return – I sent it to do something nice to celebrate her marriage.”
3. The “End of the World” Thinker
What type of language do you use when things don’t go your way? Do you assume the worst and describe every setback as a crisis? Do you respond with phrases like, “Why me?!” or “This is terrible!” If so, you may be wiring your brain to perceive negative events much worse than they actually are. Try replacing catastrophic language with resilient language to train your brain toward healthier reactions.
Unhealthy thought:
“We missed our flight! Everything’s going wrong – we’ll never get there!”
Replacement thoughts:
“Well, we missed this flight. Before we get upset, let’s talk to the clerk and see what our options are. At least now we’ll have time to grab a decent meal before we fly.”
Check out our positivity challenge to retrain your brain toward healthier thinking
4. The “It’s all MY Fault” Thinker
“He wouldn’t do drugs if I was a better parent.” “No one asked me to prom because I’m ugly and awkward.” A common distorted thought is blaming yourself for the thoughts and actions of others. Remind yourself that you’re not responsible for others’ feelings or choices. When you find yourself spiraling into self-blame, consider whether you’d be as harsh on a friend or family member if they were in the same situation.
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5. The “It’s all YOUR Fault” Thinker
“I could be happy, if people in my life stopped letting me down!” Distorted thinkers tend to believe that others must change to make them happy. Their loved ones should alter their values, bend their schedules, or put their own needs aside to keep the distorted thinker happy. While none of us should accept rude or abusive behavior, remember that others are not responsible for your feelings. You alone are in control over the direction of your thoughts and how you react to them. Relying on others for your emotional health will only result in resentment and strained relationships.
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6. The Mindreading Thinker
Ever get angry because of a hypothetical thought someone MIGHT be having? It can be tempting to guess the motives of others, but it’s important to acknowledge that mindreading is impossible. Rather than assuming the worst, stop and think of all the possibilities. If you see some friends post pictures at a concert they didn’t invite you to, don’t assume they dislike you. Consider less sinister options before jumping to conclusions.
“Maybe they didn’t think I’d be into that band.” “Maybe they just wanted some one-on-one time instead of making it a group thing.”
7. The Fortune Telling Thinker
Do you catch yourself predicting the future, usually foreseeing a negative outcome? If so, put down the crystal ball and challenge yourself to focus on the present. Practice mindfulness exercises to reduce the anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem that comes with expecting the worst.
8. The Human Label-Maker
Distorted thinkers tend to overgeneralize, using one instance to label someone or something as bad.
Unhealthy thought:
“That doctor botched my procedure – no doctors can be trusted!”
A good trick for evaluating whether your thoughts are true is to write them down. Seeing your thought in writing can help you determine if it’s reasonable and realistic or if it may be a distortion. If you decide the thought is distorted, write down a more reasonable one to replace it.
9. The “Feelings over Facts” Thinker
Do you have a hard time separating facts from how you feel about them? When you find yourself feeling upset, belittled, or cheated, it can help to look at your situation like a scientist. Analyze the situation objectively to achieve a balanced outlook:
Example: My boss criticized my last project pitch.
What are the indisputable facts that everyone would agree on?
I shared a new idea to boost sales
My boss didn’t think it was the right direction
What are the thoughts you’re telling yourself about the situation?
I’m not cut out for this job
She thinks I’m worthless
How do you feel about the situation?
I’m angry that she put down my idea
How are you reacting to the situation and what are you doing to cope in a healthy way?
I am taking her criticism personally and assuming I know what she’s thinking.
I’m going to remind myself that I can’t read her mind and that she wants me to do well
I’m going to try to take her criticism constructively and present a new idea next week
10. The “Possessed by the Past” Thinker
Unhealthy thinking can stem from past traumas, insecurities, or negative influences in our lives. Even if you know you’ve developed some unhealthy thinking patterns, it can be hard to let go of these habits and the negative feelings that come with them. An evaluation from a Diagnostician can help you discover the root cause of your negative thinking and guide you toward the next steps in overcoming it.
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Shinn. M.M. (2019). Am I in an Abusive Relationship? Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship
Shinn. M.M. (2019). Count Your Blessings: How to Retrain Your Brain Toward Positivity. Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/count-your-blessings-how-to-train-a-thankful-brain
Shinn. M.M. (2019). How Can I Boost My Self-Esteem? 10 Tips to Be Your Most-Confident-You. Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/how-can-i-boost-my-self-esteem-10-tips-to-be-your-most-confident-you
Shinn. M.M. (2019). How Can My Family Master Mindfulness? Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/how-can-my-family-master-mindfulness
Shinn. M.M. (2019). How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways. 10 Tips for Self-Love this Valentine’s Day. Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/10-tips-for-self-love-this-valentines-day
How to Cite This Blog Article:
Shinn. M.M. (2019). Seeing 2020: How to Let Go of Unhealthy Thinking in the New Year. Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/test-blog/seeing-2020-how-to-let-go-of-unhealthy-thinking-in-the-new-year